inside the deep hole.

it was midnight. I lay quietly staring at the florescent light from my digital watch. The alarm went off mildly signaling the completion of 40 years of my life on this planet. I had turned 40. I tossed around to make myself fall asleep unsuccessfully. They kept plaging me. The same doubts, the same questions and in the end, the same feeling of restlessness.I know not the answers, dont know where to find them. I prayed for sleep to wash away this confusions. I tried to remember the scores of assignments filling up my day, the long list of pending ones to complete. I hated it. There was no time. just no time to relax, to enjoy, to remember my dreams.those long forgotton ones that haunt my sleep in the long lonely nights..a hazy picture of a boy running in green fields, the boy flying kites, the same boy lying near the beach, gazing at the star studded skies ..he yearned to know more, learn more, suck up every bit of knowledge about the fascinating world surrounding him . above all, he yearned to fly , be free to explore , rule the skies , far away from the grasp of any control. oh, how wonderful life can be, how sweet it is to uncover each of its little mysteries layer by layer, to marvel at its complex intricacies in the process, to rediscover its forgotten beauties.. with so many places to go, so many things to see, so much more to know.. All of a sudden, a whirlpool arrives to snatch away the freedom. He was tossed around the wind, powerless to stop , helpless to escape.. the world gets torn apart, life changes upside down. Everything is blurry, muddled up. He is trapped in the heavy chains of the nature, the nature of things, the nature of life itelf. The whirlpool sucks him onto its bottonless vortex. Along the void of a mundane hole, he falls deeper and deeper for the rest of his life, for eternity..

Atlast I fell into the same pattern of disturbed sleep in those few patches of time, a mere few hours spent in a bliss , away from everyone, everything. . There i lie, in a land of green fields, orchads, of kites and beaches. I smile in my sleep , something that is becoming extremely rare in the 40 years of my life.