Now, I know for sure that some words like responsibility , resolution etc. have utterly no meaning in my life. My previous blog was my umpteenth try to instill the habit of blogging just for the heck of testing a long time hypothesis which has been proved correct - Habit is not in my genes. I can't remember the web address of the first blog I had written in my life due to the persuation of literally ALL of my friends. My second blog lies stranded in a web site , the password of which is buried amidst the unfathomable depths of junk thoughts inside my brain. My third attempt at it is slightly better off as I sit down to continue with it after a break of 3 months. This time I got the drive to write after suffering from a strong inferiority complex that arose from browsing through the never ending blog of a childhood friend, who honestly, cudn't open his mouth and manage to string 2 sentences together in class. I fear my personal journal is lagging behind by 1 year already.
Well, since I have successfully re opened my account , I plan to fill a huge entry pooling everything I want to say for all this break time . My fourth sem in college started in a surprisingly smooth fashion and I slipped into the way of things seamlessly in my foreign home. I don't think I 'll ever understand the amount of changes I have undergone since I came to singapore. Even for someone who embraces changes, its quite disconcerting to find those changes amidst constant struggles. One of the biggest of which most of the foreign students face here is the struggle to find themselves a real identity. In a land filled with a kaleidoscope of different cultures, languages and people, the greatest puzzle is to figure out where we to fit in, how to feel recognised and how to belong . One of my friends had written a precise article about this issue. I still can't cope up with it most of the times, however hard I try. The weight of being just another of the 33,000 students studying in this campus, the quest for trying to create a true self identity, the disappointments on its failures puts a nice hollow feeling of demoralisation at the end of the day . I never ever imagined all this troubles spewing out in my happy fantasies of travelling and living abroad. Sometimes, I wonder about breaking free from this place and returning to my homeland but will I mesh in there? I feel the difference growing every time I travel back to India during my vacations. The familiar homested becoming strange to adapt to, my long time friends drifitng away, frustration with the way of living...There are a few cross roads in life where you make some decisions that change you forever, those that once made don't offer you an opportunity to turn back. All you can do is to move on and find out what else is in store. With that thought, I too go through one day at a time, relishing the unexpectedness , overcoming the daily challenges , in search of a destiny that stubbornly remains shadowed yet showers the path with doubts and confusions.
note : I am seriously considering to change my major to philosophy since even in my blogs, i can't think of anything happy to write..
